When somebody wrongs you, can you forgive them if they do not want to be forgiven?

Forgiveness is a relationship that fosters healing; it is not ignoring harm someone has done to you, it is not laughing it off, nor is it "getting over it."

I struggle from time to time, as we all do I think, with what to do about the harm others have done me. Most of the time, I have just laughed it off, sometimes I've chosen to ignore it, and other times I've just gotten over it with time.

I have come to a point in my life where most of the time I just let go of the pain and anger I feel toward those that hurt me. Rather than continuing to agonize over the offenses of others I try to remember that our Savior said to forgive them"70 times 7".
The number seven is symbolically the perfect number or the number that symbolizes God. Therefore in symbolic language of course the Savior meant seventy times seven as the perfect number to the tenth, times the perfect number. I'm no scholar, but I think the meaning is obvious; forgiveness is required of us always. In my experience it is that first time that is the hardest…LOL

What of the ones that hurt us and never ask to be forgiven? I'm not sure, but I think that the Lord is requiring of us, note I did not say asking of us, to be ready to forgive always.
Forgiveness is an active thing, it is a relationship, a process through which healing of a broken trust is restored. It therefore stands to reason that it requires both parties to be actively involved. For example, when two nations go to war, the war does not end because one of the nation says, "wait, I forgive you" and packs their bags to go home. Hurt feelings and major wrongs likewise are not able to be forgiven in such a one sided way. Therefore, while one person may want to forgive, there are limits to how far they can do so without both parties being involved.
This holds true in the gift of the atonement. Our Savior has already paid the price of our sins, but that debt goes unpaid until we ourselves decide to accept the gift. We must humble ourselves to him and take his offered forgiveness; otherwise it is wasted and we remain alone and unforgiven.
In this process of forgiveness both parties must be willing to not only forgive, but to be forgiven. How often do we hear of someone saying, "sure I can forgive him/her, but I did nothing wrong." It is possible to have no fault in the starting of an argument, but once it has begun is it possible to have done nothing wrong or to have caused no offense? Taking part in an argument with your brother, even when you were "only defending yourself", implies a certain level of culpability. Further for the process to work a certain amount of humility on the part of both parties is necessary.

Humility is necessary for true forgiveness to take place. Both the one who gave offence and the one that was offended must understand that they are both subservient to the Father. Our Father in Heaven wants us to reconcile and become one again; he does not desire one to lord over the other or to use the offense as a tool to hurt or hold claim over the other. Showing humility to one another both in contrition and in forgiveness does not just show respect for one another, but our true love of the Father.
God's instructions are plain and easy to understand if we truly put his will before our own. He does not require more than we can do, nor things that are not possible. It therefore stands to reason that our Father could not have demanded of us to be perfect in our forgiveness but rather to be perfect in our willingness to forgive. For while we can not change the hearts of others and make them humble and contrite, we must needs be humble in our own hearts and willing to forgive those that have hurt us even if we are unaware of what on our part has caused hurt in others.
Likewise it is important for us, as we attempt to forgive others, to remember that the old adage “It is easier to give than to receive” is even more true when it comes to forgiveness. How much easier is it for you to forgive the hurtful words, said in the heat of anger, by your spouse than it is for her to humble herself to ask for that forgiveness; or often just as difficult to accept when offered without being asked for.
The human spirit can be a vain and spiteful thing; it is only through our humility and by following the loving example of the Savoir that we are able to over come our natural selves and allow forgiveness to work in our lives.

Abba

One day a few years back I found myself making an early morning delivery in New York City and as I was out of hours, and unable to drive further that day, I decided to go explore the town. I had brought countless other loads to New Your City before, but never had the opportunity to just take the day and go see the sights; so I was rather excited about the idea.

One of the first things I wanted to do was explore the subway system. I’m a Virginia boy, and used to live in northern Virginia and work in Washington D.C., so I was no stranger to the D.C. Metro system, but the New York subway seemed to me a much more exciting and historic thing. In truth, a subway is a subway, so if you plan on taking a trip to the big apple don’t get your hopes up about anything new.

By nature I am a gregarious and often find myself in conversations with complete strangers where to the average observer it would appear that we were long-lost friends. This day was no exception, and as soon as I was back on the street, I struck up a conversation with a passing Hassidic Jewish fellow. I forget how the conversation started, but we spoke for about an hour on a variety of subjects, everything from Hassidic life to the Talmud. It was fascinating, but one thing he said hit home to me; he was telling me about his family, relating a conversation he had once with his father and he said the word Abba. When I questioned him about it, he went back to calling him father, but while the word was familiar to me, the way he said it was not.

Abba, the name by which our Savior called God the Father, was a word I knew well. It meant Father. With my limited knowledge of Hebrew, meaning I know less than 20 words, I had always assumed it was a direct translation of the word. However, the way this man said it, with such love and respect, it was obvious that the word mean something much more than just the equivalent of the title Father.

As it turns out, he explained to me, Abba means something much more intimate that Father. There is a word used in Hebrew that is the public title, meaning father, but Abba is more along the lines of Daddy or Poppa. It is, more than anything else, a term of close affection, of love and respect from a child. It is not a title, but a name, a very personal name used by those closest to a man; his children, his wife maybe, the ones that love him the most.

This opened my eyes to something amazing; our true relationship with God the father. We are all children of God, he is the Father of every man, woman and child that has ever lived or that will ever live; but how many of us have the sort of relationship with him that we would call him Daddy, or Poppa? Our Savior did.

Our Savior did and he showed us how to come before our God, he showed us how to pray to him; not in fear of some unknown all-powerful being, but humbly and with love in our heart, speaking to him as to our kind and loving Daddy, our Abba.

The Savior and Abba

Jesus taught us to pray in a way that was new to most men, at least I have never read of anyone speaking to our Father in such a personal and loving way before Christ did. Before Jesus with the possible exception of Adam at his alter after the fall, all prayer was formal and mostly to an unnamed God. Prayer was directed towards, “The God of Jacob, The God Isaac, The God of Israel”, but never to “Our Father” and certainly never to “Abba; Daddy.”

Through Christ we have learned who we really are. We are not the play-things of the Gods as the Greeks and the Romans were taught, we are not the servants of a vengeful and often angry God that ruled the Old Testament; we are the literal sons and daughters of a truly loving and every forgiving Father. I think this is the Good News that so many Christians seem to miss.

The good news is not just that we will all be resurrected, nor is it that our sins can be forgiven; the good news is why these things are true. What good is eternal life, what good is forgiveness if we have no relationship with who is forgiving us?

If you were a factory worker in a large plant owned by a larger company that was in turn owned by a foreign corporation, would it mean anything to you if the CEO sent you a birthday card? Would it mean more if your father who you haven’t seen for years and you miss terribly sent you the same card? That is the good news Christ brought us; our father lives and he loves us personally. He is our Father, our Daddy and yes, he is our Abba.